“Interplanetary Education”

Little girls were telling each other how much trouble boys were and I had to agree. They then finished by repeating this rhythm about ten times. Girls go to college to get more knowledge, boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. So Earth is not the only planet with educational challenges.

“Daily Affirmation”

Two little girls one in the first the other in kindergarten were discussing who they liked, after talking about several people they said, “Mr. Brandon we even like you” and they started patting me on the shoulder. Then they argued about who liked me the most. I know they meant it because as they finish they took their little hands ruffled my hair and said, “Mr. Brandon you’re a silly head”.

“Flavored?”

Often you hear some information that makes you want to investigate something closer and find out all that you can. I heard this from behind me this morning, “Nobody’s ear wax taste like cinnamon”. I will NOT be investigating further!

“Smelling Good”

Dressed to the T’s and all grins, it has to be Kindergarten graduation. As they come to the bus they want you to see how dressed up they are. One little girl had to show me her new dress, new shoes and ear rings just like a grown up. She said, “Mr. Brandon I bet you didn’t even recognize me”. One little boy showed me his new tie and even bent over to let me smell his hair gel. I said, “Man you look sharp today, you getting married or are you preaching today?” He just smiled a missing half my teeth smile and said, “I’m all tucked in and looking good”.

“Second Opinion”

Mr. Mucus asked me if I knew what he had in his book bag this morning and proceeded to pull things out. He said, “These are my action figures, we are having a talent show today”. I thought maybe he was confused that they were having “Show and Tell” and not a talent show. I asked, “So what is your talent?” He said, “My talent is making action figures flip”. Then he started throwing them in the air and diving on then in the seat. I received confirmation of what I was thinking when I looked at Hot Pickle Boy and he said, “Yes,…….. he is crazy”.

“Sir Isaac”

Newton is well known for the three “Laws of Motion”. Of lesser knowledge are Newton’s “Laws of Buses”. 1. Law of Speed and Digestion: The faster you need to get off the bus and do something else, the better the chance someone will throw up needing you to spend a little more quality time on the bus. Also related is the fact that the sicker a rider is the further his house will be. 2. Law of Behavior and Attendance: The more discipline problems a student is involved in the greater the chance they will have perfect attendance. This law has proven equally true in the classroom. 3. Law of Directionality: When driving an unfamiliar route the first student to get off the bus knows the route best. The student that gets off last does not only not know the route but does not even know their own address.

“Mistaken Identity”

There are things in this life that happen and you know that there is just something about it that is not right. You really can’t say what it is but it just doesn’t look right, sound right, or feel right. Mr. Mucus, who is in kindergarten, short, round, red headed and whiter than new store bought sheets, gets on the bus right after the Twins that are not twins. He often starts the morning like he did this morning by saying, “Good morning, what’s going on girlfriends?” He was corrected quickly this morning by the Twins about his misunderstanding of their relationship.

“Surprise Package”

Kindergartner approaches the bus struggling with his book bag and something in his hand. As he gets on the bus I see the problem, he is having difficulty getting a very life like rubber snake in his book bag. The right thing to do would be to take it from him because it is going to cause all kinds of commotion on the bus and in the classroom. So, I helped him pack it neatly away in his book bag told him not to get it out on the bus and let his teacher help him with it when they are unpacking in class. You do what you can.

“Encounter with a Celebrity”

The Twins who are not Twins and the Little Red Headed Girl where quite aggravated with The Authority and his little brother this morning. This was apparent when they stripped the clothes off their Barbies and mooned the boys with them.

“Know Where You Stand”

Mr. Mucus asked me this morning if we did talent contest in my room. After some discussion he said, “Mr. Brandon do you have any talent?” I said, “If you drive a bus that means you have no talent”. His reply, “Boy, you got that right”. I think I’m driving past his house tomorrow.

“What Could Have Been”

As the bus climbed the small hill approaching The Authority’s house there was no one standing at the end of the drive, my breathing slowed, I gritted my teeth trying to hold back the emotion. I slowed the bus to a stop and still no one, I fought back the dream of what the ride might be. A second went by and still no one, the sun came through the trees, the wheat in the fields was golden and the birds begin to sing. My heart leapt with joy, my foot moved to the accelerator. In that very moment of delight the front door flew open and out ran The Authority and his little brother. I looked to the heavens and said, “Now Lord that was just mean”.

“Career Path”

The little red headed first grade girl got on the bus with one eye closed and seemed to be in pain so I asked her what was the matter? Little Red Headed Girl, “I poked myself in the eye with a pencil”. Before she got off the bus I was able to convince her that it was not a bad thing, that now she could be a pirate with a patch over one eye and a parrot on her shoulder. She seemed to be ok with that so we practiced this line to tell her grandmother when she got home, “RRRRR…. matie my eye be hurting me granny”. By the time she got off the bus she was sounding pretty piratie. Wouldn’t be surprised to see a patch tomorrow.

“Ancient Fighting Secrets”

The Authority informed us today that over the weekend his karate teacher had taught him two things. Frist, how to paralyze the human body with just one touch, a technique I wish he would use on his little brother who is never still. Second, if you took away his arms and legs he could still beat you with his head. Where upon he started banging his head against the back of the seat, it crossed my mind to reach over and help with the velocity of the impact.

“The Authority”

I am so lucky, I have a fourth grader on my bus that is an authority, not on some things, but on ALL things. There is not a video game that he does not own and has not beaten. He is a master of the off road, pointing to a place at the side of the road and explaining to the other students that it is where he crashed his four wheeler, rolling it five times tearing the tires off but was able to ride home. He pointed to a Husky in some ones yard and told everyone it was an American White Rabbit Dog. He has a whole story of tracking down a deer and killing it with his pellet gun. Today he demonstrated his knowledge of reptiles. The Authority said, “Mr. Brandon you know those snake that have……..” I interrupted with, “Those big long strips down their back?” Authority, “That’s the snake, well they hide in tall grass waiting for people and are very poisonous and they’re Pilipino.” A walking book of knowledge.

“Counselor in the Making”

Conversation with a little red headed first grader. First grader: “Mr. Brandon did you know that my mom was in your class when she was little?” Me: “Yes, I did and one of these days you will be old enough to be in my class just like your mom.” Frist grader: ”Did you go to this school when you were a little boy?” Me: “No I lived in another state, I lived in Oklahoma.” First grader: “You mean you had to move off and leave all your friends?” At this point I reach up to wipe something out of my eye and I feel a little hand patting me on the shoulder and a soft voice says, “Are you crying Mr. Brandon?” Then as we pass a cemetery she says, “There are a lot of people out there, do you miss your Mom and Dad?” I reply, “My Mom and Dad are still alive.” After a short pause, “How about your Grandma and Grandpa?” Then the little hand returns patting me and says, “Mr. Brandon do you get frustrated some times?” I think her carrier path has already been chosen.

“Linguistic Reform”

If we would take the English language and make a few changes I know that we could increase the success rate of our students exponentially. All we have to do is set the number of letters in a word to a consistent number. Every teacher and bus driver knows that you can take the most educationally challenged student with a speech impediment and they can with complete accuracy spell and pronounce any four letter word.

“Rocky Future”

Looking in the mirror I notice a cute red headed first grader with pig tails, her hands covering her ears, eyes closed, rocking back and forth banging her head on the back of the seat. I ask the fifth grader seated next to her what was the problem. He handed me a note and pointed to the red headed kindergarten boy across the aisle and said, “He handed this note to her”. It said, “I love (with a heart) you.” “Will you mere me?” Those red heads they’ve got passion.