There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get him to sleep. Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you haven't time to respond to a tug at your pants leg, your schedule is too crowded. Robert Brault

Whats driving a bus like? Seventy of your kids in the back seat going to town. Mr. Brandon

Friday, January 31, 2014

"Full Day"

Mr. Mucus, in a very excited voice, explained to me that he and his friends were having a town hall meeting.  Of course, I had to ask why?  They were going to talk about capturing a Big Foot.  He then explained that he had a team of four people.  He was the muscle, one was a wrestler, one was the smart one, and the girl was part of the team because she was pretty.  Then he pulled out a map of Madison County and started looking for Alaska.  Which explains why he is the muscle.  At this point the Twins Who Are Not Twins joined in and said that Big Foot liked peanut butter.  A fact I was unaware of.  He then informed them that he and his friends were going to try canned meat first.  Makes sense, who doesn't like spam?  They continued with their plans when a fourth grader messed everything up by telling them that he had heard on the news that Big Foot had moved to North Carolina.  With this project at a standstill they moved on to the next project on the agenda.  Mr. Mucus pulled a pad of entry forms out of his book bag.  The ones like you see at a contest box.  He pulled one off, turned it over, and to my great pleasure wrote me a check for ten thousand dollars.  He then started pulling them off and passing them out to some of his fellow riders telling them to sign up for his new club.  There were three stipulations: 1. You had to be a boy. 2. You had to be smart. 3. You have to have cute hair.  They hurriedly filled out their forms asking me for zip codes and what e-mail meant.  Then there was a discussion about where they lived, was it a city or a community?  They got rather excited when several of them discovered that they were not only in the same grade but had been born in the same year!  Who would have believed it?  Then as in most things it all started to fall apart when they started discussing the hierarchy in the club.  It was generally agreed that the person with the entry form pad should be the First Captain but there was turmoil in the ranks when deciding who would be Second Captain and Third Captain.  At this point we were at school and the discussion broke up.  I didn't have the heart to tell them that most of their applications where going to be rejected due to the strict requirements of the club.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014


A bus driver can tell you the number of miles driven within a few yards without ever looking at the odometer.  Bus drivers also have an auditory odometer.  A chart with converted unites is found in all bus driver handbooks.

He touched or hit me. = one quarter of a mile

I've got to go pee pee. = one half mile

Are we almost to my house? = one mile

Therefore 1 1/2 miles = 6 he touched me or 2 pee pees and 2 he touched me or 1 are we almost to my house and 1 pee pee.  There are quite a number of combinations.  Parents with small children have a version of this chart.  Oh, there are also metric units such as:  Hey, we need some air freshener back here. = 1 Kilometer

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

"Choose Your Bug"

The third grade girl sat across the aisle from a second grade boy.  It wasn't long before a conversation started about what they did over the weekend.  She started with the usual, "What did you do over the weekend?"  "Not much," he replied, "I was sick most of the weekend and didn't even go outside."  "Me too!" she responded and then continued "I went to the bathroom so many times that my bottom hurts today."  He chimed in with, "My bottom hurts too and I threw up this yellow stuff most of the day Saturday."  The conversation continued, with details including amounts and colors.  At one point in the conversation they both agreed they were hungry because they hadn't eaten much over the weekend.  Now if you know anything about lasting relationships it's the things that we share and have in common that bring us together.  So that is why after a discussion comparing bodily fluids the next logical thing to happen was this.  She said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could go somewhere some time and eat together?"  Years and years from now they will be able to tell their children how they were brought together by the Love Stomach Bug.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

"Hey Partner"

With the bitter cold the students have been coming to the bus all bundled up from head to toe, with multiple layers on.  You know, where they can't put their arms down to their sides and it would be easier to role if you fell down than it would be to get up.  As a second grader ran or waddled, because of all the clothes, to the bus his head gear seemed to be out of place.  I had seen plenty of boggins, scarfs, and ear muffs from normal to animal shaped, but he was wearing what resembled a red felt cowboy hat.  Its appearance can only be described as looking like a paper wad that has been unfolded and waded back up a number of times.  As he came up the steps I said, "Good morning cowboy Bob."  He snatched off his hat in typical western fashion and said, "Yee haw, partner.  I smell like sweat."  He also said he smelled like something else associated with those that work closely with cattle that I will not mention.  I asked if he had been out working the cattle and he said he had and repeated what he smelled like.  Before he got off the bus he had a concern.  He put the crumpled hat that barely resembled a cowboy hat on the dash of the bus and asked if he could leave it there because he didn't want the other kids to mess it up.  Cowboys love their hats.