“Go Granny Go”

It’s 6:30 a.m. dark and as I ease around the narrow corner of a neighborhood street Hot Pickle Boy says, “Look out for the little old lady in the wheel chair”. My first reaction is what kind of crazy story is he starting with today? At that same time out of the corner of my eye what should appear but a little old lady in a wheel chair on the side of the road. Caught a little off guard I say, “A little old lady should not be in the road in a wheel chair in the dark”. To which Mr. Mucus replied, “She should have been on roller skates”.

“Potpourri”

My pick-ups went as follows: The twins that are not twins telling me how they had played a game over the weekend call” What You Gonna Do”. It was a game of how to get away from the police (a life skill). Next Hot Pickle Boy with a multicolor wig with a red Mohawk down the middle. A student that told me was a robot, in robot voice of course. A little boy that paused to let me give him a hug because he came to the bus crying. A report that Mr. Mucus had said a bad word, to which he shouted, “Snack, is not a bad word” (depends on your point of view). A little girl with a rundown of all presents from her birthday and a boy with a bloody lip because he jumped on his brother one to many times. Just the high points. I’ll take “Mixed Nuts” for $800 Alex.

“Some Assembly Required”

As I approach the house there is no sign of the little girl that gets on at this address but I go ahead and stop. After waiting a short time I start to drive off, before I can pull away the front door flies open. Out comes the mother carrying her daughter. I open the door, smile and say “Good morning”. The mother steps on the bus and without a word or a smile puts the little girl in my lap, hands me her socks and shoes and walks off the bus. Some people just aren’t morning people.

“All You Can Do Is Try”

There are some things that do not change no matter how hard you may try. I could not comfort a little girl who was all depressed when she said in a very melancholy manor, “Mr. Brandon my sister is always going to be a year older than me”. I tried to defuse a volatile situation when Mr. Mucus wanted me to announce to those around him that he did not stink. This was also a waste of time when right after I had made my announcement I hear uuuuuh and the people around Mr. Mucus have their shirts pulled over their noses and Mr. Mucus is telling them what he had for supper. It seems that Krystals and fries do not agree with his intestinal tract.

“Reading is Fundamental”

A young boy approached me and said he wanted to give me something. It was a note that one of the Three Stooges had written for him and he wanted to give it to me. I said, “Thank you” and looked at the note it had the young man’s name followed by “is a pig”. So I asked him if he could read it to me, he looked at it for a few minutes and said, “It says I am big”. As he is reading to me I look in the mirror to see said stooge disappear behind the seat. I take the note fold it up and say thank you very much and he heads back to his seat. The next I hear is a loud voice that says, “IT SAID WHAT?” Order was restored a short time later.

“Welcome Neighbor”

As two of the Three Stooges were getting on the bus Hot Pickle Boy said, “Now there are two kids that can sure mess up a good afternoon”. I asked, “Do they come over to your house?” He continued, “Yes, they just show up in the yard and hang around and tear stuff up and they won’t go home.” “I tell them I have to go in for supper and they just wait on the porch for me to come back out.” “Sometimes I even go inside and do homework.” “We’re thinking about putting up an electric fence to see if we can keep them out.”

“Headed for Trouble”

There is a first grade girl that quite often will set by Mr. Mucus and he will often ask her to set down. This situation prompted a comment from one of the Three Stooges that was setting behind him. Mr. Mucus replied, “Mr. Brandon would you tell him that we are NOT dating and (with hands raised in the air for emphases) WE ARE ONLY FRIENDS”. I don’t know about you but I have heard that before and it is usually the prelude to a much more complicated relationship. Actually I believe that most of us are married to someone that we made that statement about at one time.

“Warning”

The twins that are not twins gave a joint news report. #1, “Mr. Brandon did you hear the new?” “There is a donkey that has got loose and he has a leg that is cut off.” #2, “He don’t got no leg cut off.” #1, “Well he’s killing people.” #2, “How’s he killing people?” #1, “Well he asked a man for a knife, but the man didn’t give it to him because he didn’t understand donkey.” “But he is dangerous.” So heads up, if you see a donkey (possible three legged) it could be armed (if he found someone who understands donkey who would loan him a knife) stay clear and call 911. Better safe than sorry.

“Food for Thought”

To small children the facts are this: 1. You are an adult. 2. You drive a big yellow bus. Therefore you are an authority on all things and can be called on to answer any question. After some discussion about that cereal with the lion on the front, then it was determined that it was a tiger, this question was posed. Mr. Brandon if a tiger took a bite out of me how big of a bite could he get? Trying to be a factual science teacher I replied, “Well he would probably grab your head and his mouth is big enough to put your whole head in and his teeth would go right through your skull”. As if to discourage any child eating tigers in the area, he started hitting himself in the head and said, “I don’t know my head is pretty hard”. After about four blows to the head I agreed and let him stagger back to his seat. No, he’s not tiger food material.

“Oh Foggy Morning”

The fog was so heavy that it muted even the sound of the children on the bus. There were questions about the fog, the usual where, when and why and even these were given in hushed tones. One small girl asked if I thought we would make it to school. As I drove down the road it was almost silent on the bus as the students strained to pierce the fog and see what was ahead. As things grew even quieter I threw up a hand and yelled, “Ahhhhhhhhh”. Payback is a wonderful thing. There was a lack of breathing for a few seconds.

“Multiple Personalities”

With Mr. Mucus you never know what you’re going to get. As he boarded the bus he showed a new side of himself. He had a cap on that he had turned around backwards. I asked why, he said he was a cool teenager. He was immediately tested by another student who asked him what was five times five, I’m assuming all cool teenagers know that answer. He ignored the question and started singing, “Chickie chickie wow wow, chickie chickie boom boom, chickie chickie wow wow, chickie chickie boom boom” over and over. Well I had to ask, “What’s with the singing?” He replied, “Everybody needs to learn that song so I’m helping them learn it”. He finally stopped when the kid setting next to him punched him. I’m going to have to slip that kid a quarter.

“Fashion Minded”

Only out of the mouth of a female, “Mr. Brandon that girl and that boy are always fussing and fighting with each other but I do like her coat and boots, they look good”. Always look for the silver lining. On a side note she did tell me she had some good news and some bad news for me. She said, “I think you could use the good news”. “Good news is I love you, the bad news is I’m mad because I forgot my water bottle.” Give someone some good news today.

“Gifts”

We have all received a gift that we realized was just for show or because the giver felt like they had to or we try to justify the gift by saying, “It’s the thought that counts”. Well not when we can tell there was not much thought put into it. With that being said I was pleased and honored with the gifts that two small boys dumped into my hand when they boarded the bus. It showed thought and effort. The question is, what do you do with a hand full of rollie pollies?