Wednesday, September 24, 2014
The elementary school equivalent of the Hollywood red carpet treatment is picture day. Four steps up onto the bus, pause, pose in front of the driver, wait for the approving Oh, Wow, Nice, or a thumb up signal. A third grader boarded feeling good towards all mankind and said, "When Dad helped me with my shirt this morning he said, "Boy you been losing some weight you're looking good." There is nothing that makes you kind towards others like feeling good about yourself. So he passed on the good vibes. As a much older girl, a sixth grader, got on the bus he said with a slow Barry White voice, for a third grader, "Who's the pretty lady? You're looking sexy." There was a time out from the bus driver explaining how the term "sexy" was inappropriate for a third grader to a sixth grader. After an understanding, yes, he continued when a young man got on the bus with, "Looking good." The next young man received a "Looking sharp, keep that up and you'll have a girlfriend in no time at all." After a few more comments to his fellow students he turned his remarks to me. He said, "You know Mr. Brandon when it comes to picture day," I prepared myself for the compliment to come, "you might want to lose a little weight for next year's pictures." "Lay off the hamburgers." I'm now rethinking my choices for lunch and whether or not he is walking home this afternoon.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
She set down behind me on the bus next to a young man that was in her class. There was the usual conversation that goes on between a boy and girl in elementary school. Then I over heard this from him, "You are the most beautiful girl that I know and I think I love you." "Whoa! big boy." I said. "Slow down, slow down." "That's what I'm trying to tell him." she replied. "Hey, Mr. Brandon," he started "be quiet, I'm trying to get a date here." I'm not sure where the conversation went after that. It must have gone well because as they got off the bus she was wearing his camouflage hat. And we all know what sharing a hat at the elementary school level means. That's right they will both have head lice before the week is out. They say love is blind, but it can also be itchy.
Friday, September 12, 2014
Simile: a phrase that uses the work like or as to describe someone or something by comparing it with someone or somthing else that is similar. Hearing a high pitched squeal come from the back half of the bus I used my extensive knowledge of the English language and chose the only simile that would be appropriate for the situation. So with my bus driver authoritative voice I yelled, "Hey, whoever is doing that stop squealing like a little girl." Then I settled back in the thought of a job. well done. Immediately a little blond head popped up and said, "But I am a little girl." The squealing continued, I hummed softly to myself as we continued down the road. Well played little girl, well played.
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
It was just daylight, and the sun had not quite graced the horizon. He came to the bus with his backpack thrown over one shoulder a thumb under the strap holding it in place. In the other hand he carried his sun glasses, yes sun glasses. You know how the glare of the sun can beat down on you as you ride a school bus before sun up. He paused at the steps, holding the sun glasses by one ear piece he looked up at me, one eye brow up one down, then flicked the glasses so the other ear piece swung gracefully out. Then ever so slowly he slid them into place. Every bit the man of mystery. Oh, I get it not worn for practicality but for fashion purposes. He proceeded up the steps, paused at the mirror, took the glasses off, smoothed back his hair, and slowly slid them back on like the bad biker boy. As he was seated I looked in the mirror to see him pull the glasses off again, he looked at me in the mirror and placed the glasses just so they set on the lower part of his nose and the ear pieces just touched the ears. As he continued to look at me over the top of the glasses he placed one finger on the bridge of the glasses and slowly pushed the glasses up his nose and into place in the, I don't want to be disturbed move. With this being done he placed his hands behind his head and leaned back in the seat in satisfaction. The removing and replacing continued a number of times using ever model move he had ever seen on tv. He removed and replaced his sun glasses enough times, I am convinced, to have raised a blister on his ears. A trained model could not have demonstrated the merchandise better. Then came the sales pitch. As another young man boarded the bus he pulled the glasses off with one hand, tipped the ear pieces toward the young man in typical authority fashion and said, "Son, your Daddy needs to get you a pair of sun glasses just like this. You can find them in the sporting goods section of Wal-Mart." Then in his ever so sophisticated fashion he slid them back on. I don't know if he is receiving any compensation, but I almost felt I needed a pair.