“Naval Jargon”

As I’m driving I pick up one sentence out of a conversation going on behind me.  I hear one of the boys say, “I need to tuck in my periscope”. Please, please, please let them be taking about a video game.

“Multi-tool”

Mr. Mucus comes to the bus with a cloth over his hand. As I open the bus door he says, “Presto” as he yanks the cloth off his hand. So I inquire, “What you got there?” “Well” he started, “this is my ol rag, you can use it for magic tricks, you can clean things with it and I can use it to wipe my nose if I need to.” After he is seated I look in the mirror and see him wiping down the back of the seat. Then he looks up at me puts the rag across his arm and says, “Can I interest you in a cold drink this morning sir?” I ask for tea and was promptly served. As I approached the next house I hear, “Great two more customers”. The ol rag was being used as a hat before we reached school. Introducing “My Ol Rag” by Mr. Mucus” Swiss Army Knife has got nothing on My Ol Rag! We may have to run this by the promotions department.

“Personal Hygiene”

Hot Pickle boy comes up the aisle to get off the bus and as he reaches me he sticks his fingers under my arm to tickle me, I thought. Next thing I know he shoves his fingers under my nose and says, “Take a whiff of that”. Hang in there with me patients and Old Spice.

“Trader”

As the kindergartner boarded I said, “Good morning”. This was the response, “Guess what I have in this bag, I have a bottle of water and a banana and guess what I’m going to trade the banana for a cookie and guess what they wanted to trade for some skittles and guess what I didn’t have any skittles so I think they will trade for a banana and guess what the water bottle is leaking.” If you did not read it as one sentence in less than 1.5 seconds then you miss the experience. All I said was good morning. She never did let me guess.

“No Appreciation”

The twins that aren’t twins seemed to drag to the bus at an even slower pace than usual. As they got on it was droopy little faces that I greeted. Trying to help out I asked, “Girls what’s the problem?” All I heard was a loud MOM and then mumble, mumble, mumble. I countered with a, “But isn’t it a beautiful day and we get to be with our friends and we will….” I just stopped when they lifted their heads and gave me that look of drop dead old man you’re wasting your time. Mr. Mucus got the same look when he got on and yelled, “Yes it’s going to be a great day.” So much for that "Happiness is contagious" saying.

“Academic Excellence”

Walmart has nothing on our bus I suppose we have our own greeter. This morning as other students got on the bus a first grader would say, “Welcome to Walnut Grove Yousafurtee (you-sa-fur-tee).” I said, “Yousafurtee what’s a yousafurtee?” First grader, “You know like Alabama Yousafurtee.” Me, “You mean Alabama University?” First grader, “Yes, Walnut Grove Yousafurtee.” We have always strived to increase our academic excellence at Walnut Grove and apparently we have moved up several levels. I understand all we need now is a contract for Collegiate wear and there is already a NCAA investigation into our athletic program for possible recruiting violations.

“Affirmation”

All of us have seen the man at the airport with his orange flash lights directing the planes to their appropriate places. Today I looked in the mirror to see Mr. Mucus with a glow stick in each hand waving them forward and he says, “Straight ahead Mr. Brandon, straight ahead let’s keep this thing rolling, you’re doing great, you’re doing great.” Feeling pretty good about myself.

“Thinking it Through”

5^th grader:  Mr. Brandon do I have to set here? Let’s face it, I get enough trouble all by myself without setting with my brother and you know I’m not going to get through this year without getting in a lot of trouble because I’ve got you as a teacher.

“Don’t Shoot”

Anyone that has been around Hot Pickle Boy for any length of time knows that he is one of the greatest untapped resources for natural gas in the United States. Trust me, when he steps up beside you and grins and then says, “I’m fix-n to pull the trigger on this thing.” it’s not going to be pleasant.

“New Grade, New Experiences”

Mr. Mucus got on the bus all excited about going to the first grade. First he reassured me that I was still his buddy and patted me on the shoulder, I looked to make sure there was nothing sticky left behind. Then he told me how things would be different in the first grade. He said, “In kindergarten we had cubbies to put our stuff in and in your room you have lockers. In the first grade we have hookers.” I’m hoping he just meant hooks but just in case I will be making a trip to the first grade rooms today.