“Staking a Claim”

If they ever find an industrial use for mucus I have a kindergartner on the bus that I’m making a claim on. When you hear someone sneeze on the bus and then there are a number of screams you know exactly who it was that sneezed. I just hand back the whole box of Kleenex and say, “Give me back what’s left”. Talk about renewable resource, he just keeps on giving.

“Family Tree”

The students often bring with them extra riders in the form of baby dolls, toy soldiers and assorted stuffed animals. So it was not unusual when a kindergartner introduced me to his stuffed rabbit and said his name was Barnacle. I was a little surprised when he said it was his son but not as surprised as the fifth grade girl across the aisle from him when he pointed at her and said, “She’s the mother”.

“Jamming In The Neighborhood”

The twins that are not twins said that I should have come over yesterday because their dog Brownie could play the piano and Bubba across the street his dog could play the ukulele (I’m assuming that the dog is a Hawaiian breed of dog) and there was a dog named Tinker Bell in the neighborhood that had a microphone. I’m sorry I missed that.

“So That’s Why”

The twins that are not twins asked and answered a question that has been asked and pondered by the sages of our time. Twin #1, Mr. Brandon how come you got a mustache?” Twin #2, “Because…….he’s old.” Mystery solved.

“Point of View”

How we view it and how they view it is quite often two different things. You thought you were encouraging and helpful and they, well conversation with a second grader.  Me, “How did the weekend go?” “What did you do?” Second grader, “Well we had two ballgames Saturday.” Me, “Well how did that go?” Second grader, “Well we lost both of them.” Me, “Sorry, that happens sometimes.” Second grader, “Well we didn’t practice all week so they just yelled at us a lot and expected us to win.”

“The Great Motivator”

The two brothers came to the bus with a little quickness in their step this morning. I was pleased to see them eagerly embracing the possibilities of another day of educational opportunities. Then I noticed that their mother was about fifteen feet behind them with a switch in her hand. I’m thinking maybe school was already in session.

“Ahoy Matey”

Little known bus fact: There is one time each year that on the bus you have a good chance of losing an eye, wearing a patch the rest of your life only getting parts in pirate movies. “Second Grade Kite Day” and according to instructions bring your kite fully assembled. Walking down the aisle is running a gantlet of sticks, wires and string. I have an optometrist on speed dial.

“On Top of the World”

The kindergartner came to the bus in a hurried waddle his face was as red as the hair on his head and he had a grin that was accented by his missing front teeth. As he climbed on the bus he said, “Mr. Brandon do you know what day it is?” “It’s my birthday and I brought donuts for my whole class.” “Mr. Brandon do you have a birthday present for me?” I said, “I sure do it’s called a birthday whippen.” His reply was, “Let the party begin.” Everybody needs a red headed, toothless grin, donuts for everybody day.

“Ladies Man”

Hot pickle boy brought me a small bottle of English Leather Cologne and ask me if I knew what it was for. So I asked, “What’s it for?” He said, “It's to help you get the girls”. Me, “But I’m married and I don’t think my wife will like me getting the girls”. Him, “Well here’s what you do, wait till she goes in the house, lock the door and say, See you later”.

“It’ll Kill Your Love Life”

Conversation between two brothers, one in the fourth and the other in kindergarten. Fourth grade brother, “Would you get off me and leave me alone?” Kindergarten brother, “Dude from here I can see in your ear, and man is it dirty.” “That’s why you don’t have any girlfriends.”

"Silver Bracelets"

I know that young children can have their feelings hurt very easily but even I was surprised with the flow of tears from the kindergartner when I told her she could not have her handcuffs back until she got home

“Deep Thoughts”

There is a rare occasion when a student is quiet and they have that certain look and you wonder what that young mind is thinking, I had the privileged to share in part of those deep thoughts this morning. As we were going through the neighborhood a Siamese cat made his way to the edge of the road started to cross hesitated and then sprinted across the road in front of the bus. With the furrowed brow of a deep thinker a second grader looked at me and said, “What do you think a cat would do with a machine gun?” Personally I don’t think I would trust a cat with a machine gun, too sneaky for my taste.