"Hope Springs Eternal"

There was just enough chill in the air that when you stepped outside and took your first breath it caused a slight tingle on its way down.  But with it came that feeling that made you want to throw your shoulders back and greet the morning with a smile.  The sun was just begining to paint the leaves on the maples with red and gold.  Yesterday was past and whatever struggles had been a part of it, were now behind.  A new day was now on the horizon and the possibilities were boundless.  He stepped from the porch and walked to the bus in a way that said, "Look out world I'm in charge and nothing can stop me."  He came on the bus and gave me a sly little smile of confidence and set his short, round, self down in the seat like a king on his throne.  Sliding to the window he surveyed his realm.  He dared the world to try and bring him down.  A few stops later another young man, of the same stature and size, boarded the bus and set down next to him.  The King's countenance fell and in a voice that sounded of bitter despair he said, "Man, I wanted a cute girl to set by me!"  His visage was of one bitterly wounded.  The air of triumph now held the odor of despair.  The leaves lost their luster.  The air was now just cold.  Fall had changed into winter in an instant.  Oh, how quickly life can fiind the strongest man's Achilles' heel and bring him to his knees in defeat.  Well, maybe tomorrow.

"Tools of the Trade"

Bus driver preparedness:

These are phrases all new bus drivers need to familiarize themselves with before starting their new bus job.

1.  Please be seated.  Thank you.

2.  Stop licking the windows.  They've already been cleaned today.

3.  Stop licking the seat.  It will cause a blister on your tongue.

4.  Stop licking the person next to you.  People don't taste that good.

5.  No, you cannot get off at the gas station and get a coke.  Unless you're buying for everyone.

6.  Put the handcuffs up.  No I'm not sure why your parents would have them.

7.  Leave the cactus up here by me.  It might get damaged from the other kids.

8.  No, I cannot close my eyes for you to do a magic trick.  Can you make yourself disappear?

9.  Stop swinging your underwear over your head and put them up.  Yes, I'm glad they're clean.

10. Yes, I know his grandfather is only wearing boxer shorts with sugar baby written on them.  

       But wasn't it nice for him to walk his grandchild to the bus?

11. Those dogs are only wrestling.  They must be good friends.

12. Yes, I know the bus is hot darling.  But you need to put your shirt back on.

"Watch for Flying Bananas"

Have you ever wondered with all the action movies filled with ever so skillful ninjas why you have never meet many in everday life or any at all?  Yes, I know they are ever so stealthy and are the masters of concealment but surely you would run into one ever once in a while.  The mystery was solved for me by a third grader.  I quote, "To be a ninja you have to train for fifty years.  To be an expert ninja you have to train for one hundred years."  So to improve my chances of meeting a ninja I'm going to visit several retirement homes in the area and throw fruit at some of the oldest people and see if they pull out a samurai sword and cut the fruit in half in midair. 

"Elective Surgery"

The conversation ended with a sad little voice saying, "But, I want my brain back."  Seems one imaginative little rider thought it would be neat if you could change brains with someone or something else.  The only problem was he didn't know how to do brain surgery.  Lucky for him the little boy in the seat with him said he did know how to do brain surgery.  Then plans were made for who would be swapping with whom.  The young man across the aisle wanted to be a part of the great experiment but it did not turn out as he had hoped.  They spotted an old horse, on the side of the road, that was far from a show animal and told him they were going to trade his brain for the horse's brain.  He was not at all happy with the prospect.  Taking into account all the advantages and disadvantages, I'm not sure the horse would have been crazy about it either.